That the only animal we choose to commemorate with a national holiday is the highly insignificant groundhog?

Without a doubt!

Every February, millions of Americans impatiently anticipate the emergence of Punxsutawney Phil from his temporary Pennsylvania home, Gobbler's Knob. Phil then has an important decision to make. If Phil sees his shadow, he returns to his hole, and we’re faced with six more months of winter. If not, spring will arrive early!

There’s definitely something creepily weird about this. Punxsutawney Phil, a groundhog, mind you, is actually a census-authenticated resident of Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania.* During the year, Phil lives with his groundhog wife, Phyllis, in the town library. What’s more is that there’s actually a group of caretakers, known as the Inner Circle, who cater to Phil and Phyllis’ every need during the year. These men don top hats and tuxedos (out of respect for Phil, perhaps?)

Again, I can’t reiterate enough to you, that Phil and Phyllis are groundhogs. Not people, not even awesomely BA fighting puppies, but groundhogs.

The weirdness doesn’t stop there. America’s obsession with Groundhog Day has pervaded many aspects of popular American culture, most infamously with 1993 comedy Groundhog Day. As far as comedy films go, Groundhog Day is highly acclaimed, garnering numerous accolades, including it being named the 34th funniest film ever produced.

Another weird aspect of this holiday is the fact the fact the groundhog is the animal we choose to commemorate. This is America! Why not the eagle? Or golden retriever puppy? Or even Bambi or something like that. The groundhog seems like an extraordinarily random animal to commemorate.

Or not?

* http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Punxsutawney_Phil

That we celebrate the day of our birth?

Certainly!

Once upon a time you were born. You emerged from your mom, and transitioned from fetus to baby. Congrats!

You didn’t really do anything, besides wiggle on out, cry, and don an adorably cute hat. Aside from this fact, you choose to accept a shower of gifts annually on that very day you did.

Strangely society has established this perspective, creating a portmanteau and enormous fad based on the day you were born. It is known universally as, “The Birthday!”

The effects of birthday excitement have pervaded our environment left and right. For example, you will see the prominence of birthday culture in drug stores, particularly in the greeting card section. In fact, there is a whole area of cards labeled, “birthday.” That’s right, entire pages of cute messages congratulating you on being born that very day however many years before.

Other products encouraging birthday joy include: balloons, colored rolls of weird-textured paper, pastries, and whatever the birthday boy/girl desires.

But it doesn’t stop there. Birthday culture is very visible in American folk music, particularly with the song, “Happy Birthday.” This weird song involves repeating the phrase, “happy birthday to you,” addressing this “you” dearly and personally, and then concluding with a final “happy birthday to you.”

Another weird fact about birthdays is that they are completely generic. By that I mean that we, as thinking people, created a calendar and representation of days and years. This means we invented our “birthday”. Try to wrap your mind around that weird fact!

Another weird fact about the day you were born is that for it to be a success, it must be “good.” A good birthday includes, but is not limited too, many congratulations on being born (generally expressed in the colloquial phrase, “happy birthday”), being treated well by ALL, and possibly having a party thrown for you. Weirdly enough, the day on which we were born allows us an extraordinary sense of entitlement.

For example, a good deal of this post was inspired by one of my favorite comedians, and normally I wouldn’t feel worthy enough to post this. But it is after all, March 17th, the day of my birth! Readers - weirdly enough, I expect many comments congratulating me on being born this day 19 years ago.